Roots grow and crawl from your toes, legs burr and burn like industrial machines, the back is resisting unknown forces, there are vines of energy connecting your little finger to your back to your ankles and back around again, your shoulders melt and tiny water droplets fall off your wrists and fingers like collected dew drops and your head is sparkling fairy dust. You are in the constant grace and presence of flow and bewilderment.
At week one of world lockdown, I overheard my neighbor expressing concern on when the waste collector might come around because their trash bin is filled up. At pre-quarantine panic in California, a friend of mine shared that sanitary napkins were quickly wiped out from supermarket stalls. A lot of memes have made fun of people’sRead moreRead more
Faith is not fullness, but emptiness. It is not in the solid ground that awaits when we leap, but in the space in between. It is not in the hope that we wish to always cling to, but in the despair that drugs us into a constant search for hope in the many places it likes to flutter about. Faith is never in the knowing for sure, but always in the unconscious bewilderment and wonder for all that ever is and may or may not be.
If we want a happier world, we should start seeing it. We should decide to start seeing it, whatever it takes. We have told ourselves this story that we have to wait for the good stuff to happen. We are now already in a world crisis and we are thinking this is the worst it has ever been. So what if it is? And so what if it is not? Let’s ask ourselves what we are waiting for next. What are we watching out for to see in this world while we are living? Do we wait to see a life that struggles or do we wait to see the next smile on the next happy face?
Think of your head as a city map bustling with highways, favored shortcuts, parks and pit stops, exhilarating viewpoints, favorite restaurants and attractions. When you sit down to meditate, you say, “Forget it all, I want to grow flowers.” So you have taken time out to sit down, decided to hush the living map in your head, and now you are just starting to find small pockets of soil, you are tilling the earth and planting seeds. You water them. You bask in the sunlight. You wait. Just breathe, smile, trust, it will grow.
Most of us have learned to “set our intentions” usually at the beginning of a year, or before a big project or an activity like a yoga practice or a community reach-out or in helping out a friend. But in reality, we wish to pursue our individual paths to our ideal resolutions more than once a year and much more often than we care to think of. We intend for every single thing to happen, even if it is only milliseconds before we make the actual move for them.
We all too often don’t give ourselves the chance to make decisions for ourselves and see the kind of environment we truly want to create. We get carried away by others’ voices, society, status quo, a bottomless arena of suggestions and reactions from loved ones and strangers on the news feeds. What do we truly want? And if we decide to continue to listen to others, what if they are not sure either? Then we are all in a vicious cycle of following roads that nobody wants to go to, reroutes that nobody made the actual decision to take.
So THIS is what it means to be a woman.