Roots grow and crawl from your toes, legs burr and burn like industrial machines, the back is resisting unknown forces, there are vines of energy connecting your little finger to your back to your ankles and back around again, your shoulders melt and tiny water droplets fall off your wrists and fingers like collected dew drops and your head is sparkling fairy dust. You are in the constant grace and presence of flow and bewilderment.
I let go. I let go of my opinions. I let go of my thoughts. I let go of my jokes. I let go of my responses. I let go of cleverness and judgements. I let go of explanation and reason. I let go of every single opportunity to speak.
IT WAS LIBERATING.
Something was calling out to me, I knew it. Funny, I hadn’t even started with my “insight” meditation practice but, deep down, I knew for sure that something was calling. And that I needed to take heed.
If we want a happier world, we should start seeing it. We should decide to start seeing it, whatever it takes. We have told ourselves this story that we have to wait for the good stuff to happen. We are now already in a world crisis and we are thinking this is the worst it has ever been. So what if it is? And so what if it is not? Let’s ask ourselves what we are waiting for next. What are we watching out for to see in this world while we are living? Do we wait to see a life that struggles or do we wait to see the next smile on the next happy face?
Think of your head as a city map bustling with highways, favored shortcuts, parks and pit stops, exhilarating viewpoints, favorite restaurants and attractions. When you sit down to meditate, you say, “Forget it all, I want to grow flowers.” So you have taken time out to sit down, decided to hush the living map in your head, and now you are just starting to find small pockets of soil, you are tilling the earth and planting seeds. You water them. You bask in the sunlight. You wait. Just breathe, smile, trust, it will grow.
Most of us have learned to “set our intentions” usually at the beginning of a year, or before a big project or an activity like a yoga practice or a community reach-out or in helping out a friend. But in reality, we wish to pursue our individual paths to our ideal resolutions more than once a year and much more often than we care to think of. We intend for every single thing to happen, even if it is only milliseconds before we make the actual move for them.
We all too often don’t give ourselves the chance to make decisions for ourselves and see the kind of environment we truly want to create. We get carried away by others’ voices, society, status quo, a bottomless arena of suggestions and reactions from loved ones and strangers on the news feeds. What do we truly want? And if we decide to continue to listen to others, what if they are not sure either? Then we are all in a vicious cycle of following roads that nobody wants to go to, reroutes that nobody made the actual decision to take.
What a year. I think it’s so exciting – people have been learning, making bad judgements, learning to make better ones, moving on, falling and reviewing notes they have left behind, pushing forward, growing. Chaos must ensue for any kind of order to be desired. Mistakes are essential to make the better choices next. DirtRead moreRead more
In contrast, if I see myself primarily in terms of myself as a fellow human, I will then have more than seven billion people who I can feel deep connection with. And this is wonderful, isn’t it? What do you need to fear or worry about when you have seven billion other people who are with you?
“I had an absolute interest in everything I was learning and I was an eager student. But I’d say I was definitely at a stage of sheer dread over future boredom. Yes, I wanted peace of mind. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to learn from the masters. I wanted to be a master of my self. But did I want to let go of desire? Of excitement? Of passion? Of going after something with the entirety of my being? Of ecstasy? Also, to not care anymore. I knew my capacity to care too much had always caused me to be unnecessarily hurt and exposed. But did I want to risk all feeling I had already invested in the world around me? I worked hard for these feelings. And all of the above were qualities I had always considered myself to be positively built in with. They were assets. If not for how I care for my family and friends and my adventurous spirit and enthusiasm for life, what kind of mould should I turn into? I don’t want to be a total dud in the world.”